What a Waste

I recently had the blessing of teaching our girls on a Wednesday night at The Link, as all the guys went to a men's worship night. Taking advantage of who my crowd was, I taught about 5 different women & how they worshipped God. Our students have a great understanding that worship is not just in musical praise (although that is an element of worship), but it is a lifestyle, an attitude, a heart matter. I talked about Miriam, Mary & Martha, Lydia, & the Sinful Woman. It was fun to learn more about these women & how they worshipped...through song/music, serving, sitting at the feet of Jesus, using a spiritual gift...but the one that I spent most of my time on was the Sinful Woman. The way she worshipped Jesus impacted me greatly & has left me thinking about her style ever since. Her story, or the version I used, is in Luke 7:36-50. It's the story of the woman with the alabastar jar of expensive perfume/ointment, which was broken, and it's contents poured upon the Savior by this woman, in preparation for His burial, & she also washed Jesus' feet with her own tears & hair. The Pharisee in this story was angered at what he considered to be a great waste of such wealth.

She was so sinful. She was known for it. But she had a heart full of deep compassion & love towards the Savior...who she KNEW could heal her & love her as she was. This woman came to Jesus offering ALL that she had...both figuratively & literally. She poured out her tears to wash his feet, she emptied herself in brokeness & humility to do this act of service. She poured out ALL of her perfume or ointment on Jesus...something that represented her future & carried great worldly wealth. She spent all of herself on Jesus. Wasted.

The Pharisee was having none of it. What a waste.

He revealed to me that oftentimes, even as christians, we ourselves treat some of God's most loving servants, in like manner. Some may come into our lives that are "head over heels" (extremely) in love with Jesus, pouring out their very best upon the Savior ... giving their entire all to Him ... their entire heart ... their entire life. How often do we respond to such commitment in others, with that same attitude of heart, which the Pharisee showed toward this woman? The Lord asked me about my own heart. He challenged me to consider my commitment towards Him. Am I giving Jesus my all? Am I pouring out my best upon Him ... all that I have ... all that I am? I was challenged to consider if this (a heart after the things of this world) is my hearts condition, or do I pour the very best of myself out upon my Savior? Am I viewing the King of kings as the greatest value of my heart and life? Are my thoughts consistently on what, in my life, I can do to pour out of myself, all that I have & all that I am, that I might bless my Savior, as did this woman? Does He matter more to me than anything else? What this woman did in honor of the Savior mattered so much to Him, that He proclaimed that wherever the gospel would be preached, her story would be told in memory of her...& it is! I just read it!

She spent everything she had in order to worship God. Serving others is SO important...but in this case, she was serving HIM alone. Serving others is one of my priorities, but serving Him alone should be higher. This woman wasn't interested in holding anything back...she layed it all out...her future, hopes, pride, dreams. She was so transparent in her worship. How often am I that transparent with my God? How long has it been since I have been that broken over my sin & shortcomings? Am I one of those worshippers the Father is seeking...the kind that worship Him in spirit & in truth (John 4:23)?

I want my life to reflect this kind of love. I want to waste my life in ways that the world can never understand. I want to spend every moment pouring out my love for Jesus. Whatever it is…dancing, singing, writing, or simply laying on the ground…I will do it gladly. He poured out His life for me, the least I can do is pour out all of myself & waste my life in love. Really, eternally…this is not a waste…in fact, this is the BEST use of my life.

Glorious waste.

I Will Rest on This...

There is nothing more comforting & assuring than to look at my life...in it's craziness, confusion, sorrow, joy, triumphs, trials, frustrations...& then turn to the promises of God...His Truth, His Character, His calling in my life, His certainties. He is unchanging & faithful. When I line the two up...suddenly the things I don't know or understand seem so much smaller compared to how huge God is, how GOOD He is.

Satan is relentless lately...but I refuse him.

Here are some promises & realities in Christ I choose to rely on & how I choose to let these certainties impact me:

YOU are Savior--YOU put me back together.

YOU are Creator--shape my character.

YOU are strong--bear my burden.

YOU are Life--Your blood makes my heart beat.

YOU are Protector--foster me.

YOU are power---YOU compell me.

YOU are Truth--confuse my doubts.

You are the Way--inspire my steps.

YOU are everything--may I decrease.

YOU are the Shepherd--guide me.

YOU are the Potter--shape & mold me, no matter how much it hurts.

YOU are the Redeemer--live through me.

YOU are perfect--change me.

YOU are jealous--convict me.

YOU paid my ransom--collect me.

YOU are the Living Water--fill me.

YOU are Love--consume me.

YOU are the Shadow--allow me to rest in You.

YOU are mighty--shield me.

YOU are Defender--fight for me.

YOU are hope--may I trust in Your goodness.

YOU fill me--I am empty.

YOU laid down Your life--I am free.

YOU are on the throne--I am not.

God is so so good...in the midst of heartache or victory. His provision & how He chooses to bless me amazes me. The picture below...God gave me this beautiful sunrise on this heavy-hearted morning & He also reminded me that it's OK & the better way when I recognize my weakness & understand my need for Him with the verse...through an incredible vessell God chose to wake up just for me this morning...because He knows EXACTLY what I need & is not slow to provide for me.

Happy 1st Anniversary to Us!

I am a pretty sentimental person...ok very...so dates are a big deal to me, even seemingly more insignificant ones. But I had the blessing of celebrating a very important date last Wednesday night at The Link. It was my Small Group 1 Year Anniversary! I have now had the privelege of formally being the now Senior Girls small group leader for a year! It has flown by! While I have been a part of their lives for going on 5 years now, this last year has meant more to me than they know. We have done so much together...grown, laughed, cried, spent lots of time together, prayed, & laughed some more! They have each had a significant impact on my life & they have encouraged me. They allow me to be me...they have seen me in joy & in trial...they walk right through it all with me! They are each so gifted & beautiful...and they LOVE the Lord! They have taught me so much about Him...perhaps the Lord had me be their leader more for my benefit than theirs...pretty sure! God shows me so much through them & refines me because He has allowed me to be their leader. The cool thing is that for the most part, they are stickin' around here when they graduate! (Thank You Lord!) Not sure what I would do if they all left! Yes, I am their leader, but they are my sisters & friends too. This last year has been quite the year for me personally, but they have been their cheering me on & I am eternally grateful & changed because of them. I only hope to walk in such a way to lead them closer to Christ & that my footsteps would not be mine, but the Lord's, to draw them closer to Him. The Lord is the thrill of my life, no questions asked. But these girls come closely after that...they are a passion & joy to me. An example that Christ is alive & thriving in hearts & minds. A reminder of God's amazing goodness. Thanks for such an awesome year girls! On to the next!

YOU Must Be Up to Somethin' Good

I have the privelege of teaching our high school girls Sunday School class each week (and middle school the last couple weeks too) & I know each week as I plan the lesson & teach that God had planned for me to learn from it too. In fact, I perhaps learn more than my girls do! The last couple weeks we have been in Daniel...talked about staying true to your convictions, even in the midst of persecution & questioning...even in a land that is not your home (they were in captivity), Daniel & the Lion's Den, then Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego in the Fiery Furnace...then this morning we talked about Daniel's prayer in chapter 9. We talked about prayer & a creative way to pray (A.C.T.S. prayer) & why each aspect is important, that we need to pray "we" prayers, not "me" prayers...it was an awesome lesson on prayer. While I was teaching however, I thought back to the previous weeks. And in this chapter, Daniel & his friends are about to have something big, good happen...to go back home! I couldn't help but think...while God showed up huge...these boys went through much persecution, discouragement, impending death, frustration...you name it. Then Daniel prayed...because God was about to do something big.
So I told my girls my personal testimony of the fact that when I go through these times of discouragement & frustration...and I am in tune with God & in His will...it is because God must be up to something good. It's just a spiritual process the Lord takes me through now & then. Now is one of those times. Not that there are these catastrophic things going on in my life, but it's a spiritual battle & satan knows right where to target me...and he plays dirty. Whether it's in my own thought process, lies & negative thoughts about myself, busy-ness, questioning important relationships in my life, gossip, people close to me going through a hard time...I know God is more powerful than any of those circumstances & He HAS overcome them. But history shows that these things also mean that MY GOD is up to somethin' good! I don't know if this will be a personal, spiritual victory or if it will be more corporate...I have some ideas of areas God is going to prove to, of course, be huge & amazing...but not certian yet. I am more than willing to persevere & wait to see. In the meantime, I will take on Daniel's example & PRAY. And then pray harder. I will seek His face. And I will look to & anticipate the answers!

"For we do not present our pleas before You because of our righteousness, but because of Your great mercy. O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention & act. Delay not, for Your own sake, O my God." Daniel 9:18-19

A Decade of Celebrating Jim

Today marks the 10th birthday I have celebrated with Jim...and while at first realization of that this morning made me feel a little "old" it made me feel more priveleged that anything else. I am so thankful to be celebrating my man's 29th birthday today! Or, as one of our students put it this morning...the 9th celebration of his 20th birthday! There is so much I could say about him...but he is truly a phenomenal person. He is not perfect & has his flaws, but that makes him real & I can relate to that! But I sure think the world of him! On his birthdays, I am always exceptionally grateful that I have gotten to spend another year with him...I have felt this way since he got cancer a couple months before his 25th birthday. To me, it's a 'miracle' he's alive...life is short. It can be taken like that. By the Lord's provision though, I get to celebrate him today! He is such a blessing to me & to those around him. It has been quite the year for Jim, but I have no doubt in my mind that he is right in the middle of God's will for his life--he is ministering & working with the gifts God gave him & that is an exciting thing for me to watch & be a part of.

SO...Happy Birthday Jim! Here's to a great last year as a

20-Something! So blessed to be beside you!

See it My Way...the Faith Way

One of my favorite stories in the Bible was taught on a couple weeks ago & brought me to a new understanding of what God is trying to get me to understand. It’s the story of Joshua & when the walls of Jericho come down (Joshua 6). How the wall comes down seems so “silly” from human eyes. Marching around the city a bunch of times for a week, then the wall is going to come down because a bunch of people start shouting?!? God was telling Joshua that this battle was not going to be won with muscle, oh mighty warrior…but by faith. God even tells Joshua BEFORE the wall comes down that He is HAS ALREADY delivered Jericho into his hands. There could have been so many other battle plans…but those would have been done in human strength & wisdom. God was asking Joshua to have faith that the victory was already in his hands…not coming, but already there. Joshua had a huge choice to make. Was he going to trust God with faith with the unknown? Our insecurity tends to overwhelm us on the brink of something big. “Imagine the outstretched arm of God before Joshua as He pointed to a city already defeated is His eyes (not Joshua’s). ‘See Joshua! Look closer, My son!’ Picture Joshua squinting but nothing looks different. He rubs his eyes, still nothing. ‘No, Joshua…not with the eyes of man. Look with eyes of faith! See? See it My way! It’s already accomplished. Just go get it, Son.’ And as Joshua looked with eyes of faith, he saw. Then conquered.”
I wonder if God is trying to get me to see what He sees about something in particular...actually I know He is. Or many things. I imagine the Lord leaning in close to me so that I can see all the way down His outstretched arm until I gaze on the place where His index finger is pointing. What is God pointing out to me? I want to hear Him say, ‘ See child, would you please see this the way I do? No, not through your eyes. Through eyes of faith.’
Here is the word picture that immediately came to mind. And of course, I have pictures I took to prove it!

This is Jim, with our dog, Hunter. He is Jim's bird dog. His pride & joy. In these shots, Jim has thrown a 'bumper' for Hunter to retrieve...each time the dog didn't know exactly where it landed. So Jim leans down right next to his dog's head & points to the target. The goal is for Hunter to look down his master's arm to see where his index finger is aiming. Then he is sent, to retrieve, or 'conquer' the bumper. I realize I am biased, but this a perfect picture to me of what God asked Joshua to do & what He is asking me to do too.

I really want to "get" what God is trying to point out to me. I REALLY want to see situations through eyes of faith, especially those circumstances that leave me confused & doubtful.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

So, as Joshua finally saw through eyes of faith, although the wall hadn't come down yet, that it was down in God's eyes...and as Hunter is sent out on the retrieve even though he doesn't know exactly where the bumper is, he is still trusting where his trainer is sending him, because he has faith in his master. Even though 'I' can't see it...I'm choosing to look down the outstretched arm of my Master in hope, convinced I will see in faith how He wants me to see.

If...then...what?

So a couple weeks ago we were with some dear friends & my good friend Mark asked me a question that was a great question, but really made me think & I have continued to ponder his inquiry. It was along these lines..."Brandi, obviously you love what you do...but if you could be doing anything else (like as far as work, profession) then what would you do with your life? Hhmmm...interesting. He was correct in saying, 'obviously' since it is obvious to those who know me well that I love what I do. I really do LOVE what I do. I get the privelage of doing ministry full time, 24/7. While it can have it's down-sides, they are by no means deal breakers & only effect me very little. It is such a joy to work for the Lord. I wear many hats in ministry & I love them all for different reasons. I would never trade what I do. But, if then what...well, I have my degree in Social Work...my preference of what else I would do with my life...I would still be working with teenagers, they are my passion...and it would be in a group-home, shelter type situation & I would love to involve counseling in that as well. It's funny that what I see myself doing outside of what I am involves so much of what I already do. That is how I am affirmed that this is God's call on my life.

10 years ago, as a new believer, I would have NEVER guessed this is what I would be doing. But there is nothing I would rather be doing. I thank God every day for placing me in this position. Even when it's hard. Because I am deeply involved with people (mostly young people) & the hard thing about being so involved in their lives...is being so involved in their lives. It can be consuming. But it's what I do, part of who I am. It is my passion. And I am glad I don't have to be chasing after something I would rather be doing...there is no if then what.

Below is just a sample collage of why I do what I do.